Goodbye Earl
by baseballfan44
Summary: If Daisy Duke thought her senior year was fun, her first year after graduation will be a whole different ballgame. Based on the Dixie Chicks song Goodbye Earl.


**Goodbye, Earl**

Summary: If Daisy Duke thought her senior year was fun, her first year out of school is a whole different ballgame. Based on the song "Goodbye, Earl" by the Dixie Chicks. Song lyrics posted at the end.

Okay, guys, this one is really weird and very out of character, but hey, Daisy and Bo were younger and more immature, so you never know. But I highly doubt any Duke would ever do this, but it's my story so deal with it. Review. Say something nice, flame it, whatever. I don't care. But a flame, I must warn you will only be used to torch the contents of Hazzard Lake. You will find out what that is towards the end of the story. Unless you know the song. Then you could probably guess.

-----------------------

Daisy Duke warmly received the fond embrace from her uncle Jesse. She smiled as Jesse reassured his niece how proud he was of her. Accepting similar hugs from her younger cousin Bo, she sighed sadly, wishing her older cousin Luke could be there. Instead, he was out fighting the enemy deep in the jungles of Vietnam.

"Wish I was the high school graduate," Bo commented. "But I still got three dang years left."

"Hang in there, Bo," Daisy told her cousin. "The next three years'll go by real fast." She brushed the tassel out of her face.

"Hey Daisy," said a bashful voice from behind her. Daisy spun on her heel to find Enos Strate standing there, decked out in a blue graduation gown similar to her red one. She flashed him a grin.

"Hey Enos, congratulations," she said.

"You look real nice today Daisy," Enos told her. "An' ya did a real nice job on that speech too." Daisy's classmate was turning a deep purple.

"Daisy, come help me take this banner down!" came another voice. It was Casey Martin, Daisy's best friend. She was referring to a large banner stating "Congrats Class of 1974!" Daisy bid farewell to Enos and went to help her companion.

-----------------------

Earl Bedletter had always been known as a ladies' man. He was fairly new to Hazzard County, so he was not reputable for his actions as of yet. Stepping into the dimly lit bar, he set his sights on a raven-haired beauty laughing and joking at the counter with another girl. Grinning, he stalked over to her.

Though the stranger was not good looking, Casey Martin had wanted to meet the perfect man since she graduated high school a few weeks back. She learned not to judge a book by its cover, so she took up the man's offer to dance, earning a wink from Daisy. She smiled sheepishly, half at this man called Earl, and half at Daisy.

After a night of dancing with Earl Bedletter, Casey was impressed by how sweet and charming he was. She didn't object when Earl whisked her away to Chickamahoney for an elopement.

Daisy, however, was surprised at her friend's actions. She shrugged it off, however, and went home. She herself had danced with a nice out-of-town gentleman, but she was not on her way to Chickamahoney.

-----------------------

"Hey Daisy, what'd ya do with my fishin' line?" Bo asked. "It ain't out in the barn where I left it."

Daisy thought a moment about what Bo was talking about. "Oh, Bo, I put it with the tackle box, where it's supposed ta go, sugar."

Bo grinned. "Thanks, Daisy. Tell Uncle Jesse I went fishin' with Pete an' LB an' all be back 'fore dinner, would ya?"

"Sure honey," she told her younger cousin. It was only then she noticed the downcast expression on the blonde's face. "What's the matter, Bo? Ya look like ya lost yer best friend."

"I hope I didn't," Bo commented. "Taday's the 25th o' June, right?" Receiving a nod from his cousin, he continued. "I sent a letter ta Luke over a month ago 'fore school was out, but I ain't got one back yet."

"Aw, Bo, don't worry," she reassured him. "I'm sure Luke's just fine. Ya know as well as I do he could be busy or his platoon could be movin' or somethin'. Maybe yer letter got lost in the mail. If ya don't get somethin' from him next week, try writin' to 'im again."

Bo grinned. "I'll do that, Daisy, thanks. I'll be back 'fore dinner, now."

Daisy smiled back at her cousin as he eagerly bounded out the door and towards the barn. She then set about the task of completing dinner. She was halfway done when a knock on the door pulled her out of the silence. She whirled around to see Casey standing there, a downcast expression etched over the unusual features of her face.

"Hey sugar!" Daisy greeted cheerfully. "Come on in, Case, an' tell me what's up."

Casey sighed and went to sit down at the table. Daisy grabbed a bottle of coke from the refrigerator and handed it to her friend before getting one for herself. Wordlessly, Casey rolled up her left sleeve revealing a patch of skin colored a deep shade of purple. Daisy gasped in horror of the sight.

"Honey, what happened to ya?" she asked, terrified of the answer. Deep down she already knew what it was.

Casey mumbled something so soft Daisy had to ask for her to speak up. "Earl," Casey repeated, not daring to look her long-time best friend in the eye.

Daisy's jaw dropped as she sighed in anger. "Well, ya gotta do somethin'. Ya gotta go right now an' divorce that fella. Ya can't stay with 'im another minute. Ya just gotta—"

"Daisy!" Casey interrupted. "I get it. I know that's what I should do, but I'm just scared that if I do, Earl'll hurt me worse. Oh, Daisy, I don't know how I let this happen." Tears trickled down her face.

"Oh, honey, it'll be okay," Daisy said. "Now, I'd offer for ya ta stay here fer safe-keepin', but I reckon that's the first place Earl's gonna look." Her face contorted in thought. "Why don't ya stay with the Davenports? Cooter's side, not LB's. You know his mom considers ya like a daughter, so I'm sure she'd let ya stay there! Let's go right now an' ask her!"

Although Casey was hesitant, she thought about the possibility of another night with Earl, and that was enough to make up her mind. She gratefully accepted her pal's offer for help and followed her outside.

-----------------------

Weeks later, Casey and Daisy were pleased with themselves. Casey was in the middle of the messy process of divorce, but it appeared to be going quite well. Casey had also been granted a restraining order against Earl Bedletter.

Earl still resided in Hazzard, though all the citizens of the county had heard what he had done to Casey. Rumor had it that they were planning to drive him out with flame torches.

Casey hummed merrily to herself as she walked down the main street of Hazzard, coming from the bank. Sniffing the fresh air, she realized how free she felt since the first time since she met Earl. As of next Tuesday, the divorce papers would be finalized and she would be rid of that jerk. She couldn't help but smile gleefully.

The rough hand on her shoulder took her aback. She spun around to find an all too familiar face staring back at her. Glaring, she began to breathe heavily in fear.

"What do you want?" she spat. "You're not supposed to be near me, remember? All I have to do is scream, and you're gonna be in the hoo-scow, buddy."

"You scream, an' sure, I might be in the hoo-scow, but yer gonna be somewheres far worse," Earl threatened. Without warning, he backhanded her across the face, knocking her flat on the ground.

"You can't do this," Casey warned.

"I don't think yer callin' the shots, here, lady," Earl said matter-of-factly. He picked her up and tossed her against the brick wall. She was instantly knocked out.

Bo Duke and Pete Morrow witnessed the entire event. As soon as they saw Casey fly through the air to the wall, they darted after Earl. However, the older man jumped in his car and drove off.

"Dang it!" Bo exclaimed. "I wish I had my license so I could have a car here ta chase that guy down with!" He looked down toward the bleeding, unconscious Casey in utter horror. "You best get up to the sheriff's station and get Rosco ta call an ambulance. I'll stay here with her."

Pete nodded in response and sprinted across the street. Bo knelt down to find a pulse, relieved when he found a faint one. As soon as the ambulance came, he resolved to find Daisy and tell her what had happened right away.

-----------------------

Daisy, Bo, and Pete rushed to the hospital as soon as Daisy knew what happened. The two high school boys remained in the waiting room as Daisy rushed to Casey's room—in the ICU. She was relieved to see her friend awake. Weak and heavily bruised along the left side of her face, but awake.

"Oh, Casey," Daisy practically wailed. "Bo told me what happened. I'm so sorry. You musta been so scared!"

Casey sighed. "I was then, but I ain't now," she admitted. "Now I'm just mad an' ready for revenge."

A smile crept upon Daisy's face. "Oh, honey, I think I got just the plan that'll git Earl outta yer life once an' fer all."

"Just so ya know," Casey began. "I don't even mind if we kill 'im." She herself grinned when Daisy's smile did not faze.

-----------------------

A couple weeks later, Casey was able to go home. However, she didn't go back to the Davenports, because she had to put hers and Daisy's plan into action. Instead, she went back to Earl's house.

She sighed as she rapped lightly on the door. Casey tapped her foot impatiently while she waited for her now ex-husband to answer the door. Finally, she heard the door creak open, and Earl stood right there, glaring at her.

"Hi!" she said as cheerfully as she could muster. "Earl, I'm sorry I left you. Really. You were right. I'll come back to you. I'll even start by making you your favorite dinner. Pork and black-eyed peas. Does that sound good?"

Earl grunted something in response, but he opened the door farther to let her in. "I knew you'd come around," he said as Casey stepped inside. "Make it snappy."

"Sure thing, honey," Casey said, instantly wishing she had some soap to wash out her mouth with.

An hour later, Casey had the meal ready to eat. After Earl contentedly sat down, he grinned as he took his first bite of black-eyed peas. Casey had to suppress her own smile.

After polishing off the peas, Earl made a strange face. "Honey, these peas tasted kinda funny."

Casey shrugged. "They tasted all right to me, Earl." She furrowed her brow, pretending to be in deep thought as Earl began coughing hard.

"I don't feel too good," Earl told her. "I'm feelin' a little weak."

Casey rushed to her feet and over to Earl before placing a hand on his forehead. "Hmm. You're feelin' a little warm. Why don't ya lay down on the couch and get some sleep so you can feel better? Ya could be catchin' the flu."

Earl complied, saying he probably just needed to sleep it off. He slowly and weakly lay down on the couch, sighing before his eyes fluttered shut. After a few silent moments, Casey fearfully made her way over to Earl. After checking for a pulse, and finding none, she sighed. She went back to the kitchen and turned on the CB.

"Breaker, breaker," she began. "This is Little Doggy callin' Old Mother Hubbard, come back."

"Old Mother Hubbard here, come on back Little Doggy," came Daisy's voice.

"The bone's been buried," Casey told her. "But, I gotta admit, I feel kinda bad about it."

"Me too," Daisy admitted. "But the bone ain't gonna come unburied now, it's too late. What's done is done. Let's just spread some dirt on it an' forget about it. I'll be right over."

Daisy rushed over in her yellow car that had been Luke's. Once inside Earl's house, they covered Earl's body with a blue tarp.

"Must be dark in there," Daisy commented, being rewarded with a small laugh from Casey.

Then they wrapped bungee cord around the now unrecognizable blob wrapped in the sky blue cover.

"Let's throw 'im out in the tool shed for now," Casey instructed.

-----------------------

Casey groaned as the ringing from the telephone pulled her out of her slumber. She reluctantly pulled herself out of bed to answer. However, she was jerked fully awake as she heard the panicked voice of her best friend.

"Casey, we gotta problem!" Daisy shrieked. "I heard Rosco and Enos, who's now a deputy I guess, are gonna come over ta yer house cause they're lookin' fer Earl! They wanna arrest 'im fer what he did ta you! We gotta git 'im off yer property!"

"Aw, shoot!" Casey exclaimed. "Can you come over, like now?"

"Don't worry, honey, I'm on my way!" Daisy reassured. Both girls hung up. Daisy's heart skipped a beat as she looked up to see her curious younger cousin leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen.

"Why wouldn't ya'll want Rosco ta find Earl?" Bo wondered, looking accusatory.

"Bo!" Daisy gasped. "Uh…" She knew she wouldn't be able to keep the secret from him, so she invited him along, explaining things to him on the way. To say Bo was shocked at his cousin's drastic activities was an understatement.

"Wow, Daisy, I didn't think ya'll were capable of doin' somethin' like that," Bo commented, half-smiling. "That's even worse than somethin' I'd do."

"Which is why you ain't tellin' nobody," Daisy shot back. "Not Uncle Jesse, not yer friends, not even Luke. No one can ever know about this or we could git in trouble. You too, cause whether ya like it or not, yer involved now, Bo. An' Uncle Jesse'll kill us cause you know he always says ta take revenge on property, not people."

Bo grinned and shrugged. "Hey, other'n the letters I been finally getting from Luke, this is the most excitin' thing I done all summer."

Daisy couldn't help but laugh at her cousin's laid-back attitude on the whole situation.

After some explaining to her friend that Bo could be trusted, Casey finally relented to Bo's involvement. She especially didn't mind when the teenager single-handedly loaded Earl's corpse into the trunk of Daisy's car. Once they were done, the unmistakable sound of a siren could be heard. Bo told the girls to stay, and since he had gotten his license the week before, he legally drove away.

"Told ya he'd come in handy," Daisy whispered to her friend as they watched Rosco and Enos pull up the drive. She saw Casey nod.

They were silent until Rosco pulled the car to a stop and he and Enos clambered out. Then Rosco made strange noises with his mouth before advancing to the two young females standing with their arms folded.

"Hey Daisy," Enos greeted, blushing. He had been hopelessly in love with Daisy since the fourth grade.

"Hey Enos," Daisy said back. "Can we help ya'll?"

"Ya sure can," Rosco said. "We're lookin' fer that Earl feller. We need ta take 'im in fer assaultin' you, Miss Martin."

"That'd be great, Sheriff," Casey told him, "but the problem is, ever since I got outta the hospital, I ain't seen 'im. He's not here, it's like he just disappeared."

"He ain't?" Rosco sputtered. "How come ya ain't told me yet?"

"Cause I just got outta the hospital yesterday," Casey shot back. "I thought maybe he was just out with his drinkin' buddies."

"Why'd ya come back here?" Rosco asked.

"I honestly don't know, sheriff!" Casey said, beginning to sob. "He's still my husband, I guess. I ain't sure!"

Daisy, suppressing a grin at her friend's act, wrapped her arms around her. She glared at Rosco. "Can't ya see she's upset? An' 'sides, if ya'll were gonna do somethin', why didn't ya do it before now?"

Enos cut in. "Well, now Daisy, we would've loved ta do somethin' afore, but we didn't have 'nuff evidence till we talked with the hospital yesterday and ta Bo an' Pete Morrow cause they was eye witnesses."

Daisy just shrugged. After explaining that they'd have to search the house anyways, Casey let them in. They searched for nearly an hour before they reached the obvious conclusion that Earl was not there, and there was no sign of what happened to him.

"Thank you ladies," Rosco said as they were about to leave. "If you hear from him, let us know, please."

"Will do, sheriff," Casey complied.

-----------------------

Months passed with no sign of Earl. Daisy, Casey, and Bo had stuffed his body back into Casey's tool shed once the police were satisfied he was not there. Meanwhile, the incident was _nearly_ forgotten.

It was a cloudy November day when Bo came home from school, grinning. Luckily, Jesse was out in the fields, so he was alone with Daisy.

"You'll never guess what happened at school taday, Daisy," Bo said. "The milk cartons at lunch had Earl's picture plastered up on 'em with a big ol' "Missing" notice above it."

"Yer kiddin' me," Daisy said, a smile spreading across her face. "I wonder who did that!"

Bo shrugged. "I ain't got no idea. But I stopped at the post office and we got letters from Luke."

"Good!" Daisy said. "Did ya read yers yet?"

"Sure did," Bo admitted, a broad grin etched on his face. "An' guess what? He's comin' home next week! Fer good!"

Daisy's jaw dropped in surprise. "You are kiddin' me this time, Bo Duke! Luke's comin' home! Does Uncle Jesse know yet?"

"Don't think so!" Bo exclaimed. "He's at the back forty with the tractor. Let's grab the pickup an' go tell 'im!"

"Okay," Daisy said, as calmly as she could muster. Finally, she ripped off the composed façade and screeched excitedly, taking her laughing younger cousin in her arms. "I can't believe it! Luke's comin' home!"

-----------------------

As expected, Jesse had been as excited on the inside as his two youngest charges. None of the Dukes had been able to contain their excitement the rest of the week. Finally, on Friday, the big day had arrived. They showered the oldest Duke cousin in love and welcome. They had a relaxing, peaceful weekend, until Sunday, when Casey called for Bo or Daisy.

Luke answered the phone. After hearing what Casey said, he put a hand over the receiver and said, "Casey's callin' fer either o' you two. Why would she be callin' you, Bo? Are you havin' some romantic fling with an older woman that you didn't tell me about?" He tousled his younger cousin's blonde locks.

"No," Bo said. "Daisy, you should get it." He motioned to his cousin toward the phone.

Daisy grabbed the phone. "Hey Casey. What's goin' on?'"

"Daisy, I think we need ta do somethin' with Earl," Casey said. "I can't keep 'im in the toolshed forever."

"Okay, what do ya wanna do with it?" Daisy asked.

"That's what I called ya'll for," Casey said. "Not ta mention I'd need Bo ta help get him somewhere."

"How 'bout Hazzard Lake? We'll go there tonight," Daisy suggested.

"Okay," Casey agreed. "Come over at ten or so. An' bring yer cousin."

"Okay, I'll bring Bo," Daisy told her. After stating their goodbyes, they hung up. Daisy, having forgotten Luke was in the room, nearly jumped as she turned to see him standing there.

"Daisy," Luke said. "Why are ya goin' to the lake tonight? Why are ya takin' Bo? An' on a school night?"

"Well, actually, tomorrow's a teacher workday, so I's got the day off," Bo informed him, and it wasn't a lie.

"Oh," Luke said, skeptically. "Well, I been gone fer a couple years, away from ya'll. Mind if I tag along?"

Daisy's eyes bugged out at her older cousin's request. Luckily, Luke was turned more towards Bo, so he didn't catch it. Bo sighed and looked at the ground.

"Well, Luke are ya sure ya wanna come with us?" Bo said. "I mean, ya only been home a couple a days, an' ya ain't seen yer friends yet, like Cooter. Are ya sure ya'd rather hang out with a bunch a kids?"

"Well, if them kids is you guys, sure I wanna hang out with ya," Luke said, as it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"But Luke," Daisy said. "It'd just be a bunch high schoolers an' people like me an' Casey who just graduated."

"Well, I am only two years older 'n' you, Daisy. It couldn't be too bad."

"Aw, Luke come on," Bo pleaded. "Ya'd probably be uncomfortable, take my word fer it."

Luke didn't really believe that's what his cousins were up too, but he didn't press the matter any further. He finally relented to their request and decided he would call Cooter and see if the man wanted to grab a beer at the Boar's Nest.

-----------------------

It was dark when Daisy pulled her car up to the lake. She, Casey, and Bo got out of the car, and Bo walked to the trunk. Casey grabbed some flashlights and handed one to Daisy. They flipped them on, lighting up the tarp wrapped in bungee cords. Wordlessly, Bo hoisted the body over his shoulder, sighing in the process. He slowly stalked over the shores of the lake.

"Ready?" he whispered to Casey.

"On three," she replied. She and Daisy counted in unison. "One, two, three."

On the designated number, Bo swung Earl back as far as he could and hurled the corpse into the shimmering water. It broke the surface with a loud splash.

"Let's get outta here in case someone heard that," Daisy suggested. Her companions nodded and they quickly dashed to the car. Daisy drove rapidly back down the dirt road as fast as her car would allow. After dropping Casey off at her home, Daisy and Bo went home.

It was midnight, and Jesse had already gone to bed when they arrived. Luke was still out with Cooter.

"Thanks fer not tellin' anybody 'bout this, Bo," Daisy said. "I really appreciate that."

"No problem, Daisy," Bo told her. "I'm just kinda glad it's all over now. Lemme tell ya, I don't think I'm ever gonna do nothin' like that again. An' if I do, I'm tellin' Uncle Jesse or Luke, I don't care how bad I get in trouble."

"An I just can't believe it was my idea ta do that!" Daisy exclaimed. "Let's agree ta somethin', Bo. Let's never, ever speak of this again. Ever."

Bo nodded. "Never again. Let's just go ta bed, an' forget the whole thing."

So they did. After that night, neither Daisy, Bo, nor Casey ever said anything about Earl. It was easier once Casey decided to go off to college in Atlanta. Luke had been planning to ask what was really going on, but he changed his mind, trusting his younger cousins to have dealt with whatever was going on. Jesse never found out, either, and Rosco and Enos never did find out what had happened to Earl. Eventually, Earl Bedletter was forgotten throughout the whole town, and he was never mentioned again.

THE END

Mary Ann and Wanda were the best of friends 

_All through their high school days _

_Both members of the 4-H club, _

_Both active in the FFA. _

_After graduation Mary Ann went out, _

_Looking for a bright new world. _

_Wanda went all around this town _

_And all she found was Earl. _

_Well it wasn't two weeks after she got a-married _

_That Wanda started getting abused _

_She put on dark glasses, long sleeve blouses, _

_And make-up to cover a bruise _

_Well she finally got the nerve to file for divorce _

_She let the law take it from there. _

_But Earl walked right through that restraining order _

_And put her in Intensive Care. _

_Right away Mary Ann flew in from Atlanta _

_On a red-eye midnight flight. _

_She held Wanda's hand and they worked out a plan _

_And it didn't take 'em long to decide that _

_Earl had to die _

_Goodbye, Earl _

_Those black-eyed peas _

_Tasted all right to me, Earl. _

_You feeling weak? _

_Why don't you lay down and sleep, Earl. _

_Ain't it dark _

_Wrapped up in that tarp, Earl _

_The cops came by to bring Earl in _

_They searched the house high and low _

_Then they tipped their hats & said thank you ladies _

_If you hear from him let us know. _

_Well the weeks went by and spring turned _

_To summer and summer faded into fall _

_And it turns out he was a missing person _

_Who nobody missed at all _

_So the girls bought some land and a _

_Roadside stand out on Highway 109 _

_They sell Tennessee Ham and strawberry jam _

_And they don't lose any sleep at night, cause _

_Earl had to die _

_Goodbye, Earl _

_We need a break _

_Let's go out to the lake, Earl _

_We'll pack a lunch _

_Stuff you in the trunk, Earl _

_Well is that all right _

_Good let's go for a ride _

_Earl, hey _


End file.
